"We don't want them here" ... "Bloody parasites" ... "Thieving thugs." No, I'm not talking about Millwall fans, I mean the Sangatte refugees.
     In return for the French government closing down the Sangatte asylum centre, the British government has been told it must accept 1,200 of the bastards.
      So where does the government put them? In the countryside? No thanks they say, there aren't enough jobs. In the inner-city? No thanks, its worse than Baghdad. What about a low population area where you can be entertained every weekend and you will actually be welcomed? Great! Welcome to your new home of Selhurst Park.

They only come for the football

Not only will they get free shelter and accomodation, but they will be employed as fulltime Wimbledon FC fans.
     This project is the first of its kind in the UK and is the brainchild of FA director Rufus Twinklebottom, who is also a major shareholder at Wimbledon.
      "Yes, we at the FA contacted Mr Blair and told him that we had the answer to all his problems. As we at Wimbledon are, how you say, 'attendance-deficient' at the moment, we though we could kill two birds with one stone: we could increase our home attendances and also help the government keep those human leaches from prolonged periods at The Hilton."
    Although initially all was well, problems arose from the ground sharing that Selhurst Park incorporates. Crystal Palace are the other residents of Selhurst Park and are distinctly less keen than their other tennants about the newcomers. Trevor Francis, the first team manager has his reservations.
     "I simply can't believe what's been going on. Yesterday I drove into work nice and early for a training session. When I got there and opened up the boot of my car, out came two scruffy looking East Europeans. First I thought they were the clubs new signings, but after a chat from the chairman I found out that they had probably climbed into the back of my car in Calais when I was stockpiling my car with cheap booze for the club Christmas party."
     According to new government regulations, the vast majority of the refugees are to be given jobs in and around the ground - picking up litter, stewarding, intimidating away fans, etc. I just feel sorry for the poor few who have to watch the 90 minutes of Nationwide quality football each week.